Deion Sanders must not know the NCAA if he thinks it’s paying for stolen jewelry

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The Colorado Buffaloes took a couple of losses Saturday as the team was punished on the field by UCLA and pilfered off of it, with multiple CU players alleging jewelry was taken from their locker room during the game. Since then, coach Deion Sanders hasn’t stopped whining about the transgression, and is now asking to be reimbursed by the NCAA for the stolen items.

“I’m going to have a list made out from these young men, and I know they’re going to be truthful about what they lost, so we can try and get it back for them,” Sanders said at a news conference in Boulder, Colorado, on Tuesday. “They may not be able to get the items back, but they should be able to reimburse them. That was unbelievable.

“It don’t make no sense when you’re out there ballin’ and playing your heart out and you get robbed at the same [time]. I hope we can do something about that, NCAA. You do something about everything else. Do something about that.”

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Umm, yeah, Coach Prime, about that. Are you unfamiliar with the NCAA? They’re not Lloyd’s of London, or UNICEF. They don’t just hand out money; they don’t even have enough cash for headsets in helmets. Maybe talk to the guys down at the Pasadena Police Department crime lab.

I heard they got four more detectives on the case. Got them working in shifts.

That was a joke, kind of like this next gem from Detective Prime.

“Our kids got robbed during the game last week. I think that’s a travesty. I would expect the NCAA to do something about that.

“This is the Rose Bowl. They said the granddaddy of ‘em all, right? I’m sure granddaddy had some money. Grandpa should have some money to give these kids.”

I believe Keith Jackson was referring to the Rowl Bowl, the annual New Year’s Day game, as the granddaddy of them all. However, I still don’t follow. Does he want the stadium, or the NCAA, to foot the bill for this itemized list?

Also, is no one going to ask Coach Prime about the $70,000 elephant in the room? Shedeur Sanders flashed a $70,000 watch to the Arizona State student section after CU’s win against the Sun Devils (their only Pac-12 victory this season, but I digress). It of course made the news, because he displayed it for the cameras.

Apparently, “watch flexing” is a thing, and Shedeur has been doing it all year. Until the great UCLA jewel heist of 2023, I thought nothing of it. As far as I was concerned, it’s in the same category as every other social media fad that I actively avoid. I’m not blaming Shedeur, because Rose Bowl stadium security is at fault here, but that’s an obscene and extremely unnecessary risk. Correlation is not causation, yet the laws of common sense still apply.

And common sense told an opportunistic thief or two that the Rose Bowl is not Fort Knox. The game was predictably well attended because of the nature of Sanders’ Buffs, and you don’t need to be Danny f*cking Ocean to see the angles. CU literally could not have been a bigger mark.

It doesn’t make it right — especially for the unlucky players without insurance — but it doesn’t mean the NCAA or the Rose Bowl is going to open up its checkbook for a bunch of stolen goods. To be honest, the league office is either incredulous, or on the floor laughing.

My advice? Start a GoFundMe page because Colorado’s cult followers would be more than happy to oblige. Hell, ask Joel Klatt. I’m sure he’s got some spare Hampton by Hilton money lying around.

Goooooo WAFFLES!

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